A Young Widower's Tale
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This is what I call progress Yesterday I went through the motions at work, I played with Aidan when I got home, and spent some nice quiet time with Marathon Girl after we put him to bed. All things considered it was a normal day like most other days. It wasn’t until this morning when I read an email from a friend that I realized yesterday was the three year anniversary of my first wife’s death. For a moment the world stopped, then, just as quickly, continued with its normal routine. *** This is what I’ve worked so hard for ever since Marathon Girl came into my life: a day where November 10th would be like any other – a day where I’d be able to go to work, come home, and go through my day without becoming preoccupied with thoughts of the past. I’ve made much progress over the last few years but never thought now – three years later – I’d be able to go through a November 10th without thinking about and reliving that horrible day again and again. Last November 10th, thoughts of that day were always in the back of my mind even as I went through the daily cycle of work and home. It was a struggle but one where I came out victorious. This November 10th was like any other day. I wouldn’t have it any other way. *** We live in a world of memorials and memories. This isn’t a bad thing. Today is the day we mourn and remember those who have fought and died to keep our country free. It a day where we salute those veterans who are still living and thank them for their service. A nation needs these kid of days. People need these kind of days. Not just days of sadness but days of celebration. In two weeks we’ll celebrate Thanksgiving and give thanks for all that we are blessed with. But on an individual level, often memorials and memories of close friends and loved ones can be self destructive. Too much guilt, and sadness – too many memorials – hold us back from moving on with life and enjoying all their current blessings. Each week I receive several e-mails from women who are in a relationship with a widower. By far the biggest issue most of these women face is the fact that the widower is having difficult time moving on – even years later. Their house has become a memorial to their deceased wife than a place to live. Years later they are attending a Memorial Mass or other events to commemorate the death of the deceased. Yet for the widower and others left behind it’s as if their life has stopped the moment their loved one passed on. I understand the feeling of loss. I understand what what’s it’s like to miss the familiar sound of a loving voice. I understand the feeling of wanting someone back more than anything. But I also understand the freedom and ecstasy that comes with moving on. I understand the unique joy of giving your heart to another. I also understand what it’s like to have your life back with gratitude for each new day and burning desire to make each moment with friends time to enjoy their company and let them know how much you love them. It’s like being reborn. It’s like being given a second chance. *** There are lot of people who don’t understand why I want November 10th to be like any other day. I have friends who wonder. I have family who wonder. There are people reading this entry who wonder. To those that wonder, I’ll say this: My first wife will always have a special place in my heart. I know that one day I will see and be reunited with her again. Though I would never want to relive the days of November 10, 2001, I am grateful for the lessons I learned that days, months, and years after her death. I memorialize my first wife by living life to the fullest and taking advantage of every opportunity to let Marathon Girl and Aidan know how much I love them. Now go and live your life the same way. You Can Now Purchase Room for Two - 2007-08-31 |
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