A Young Widower's Tale
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Open letters to widowers and those who date them Dear widowers who are involved in a serious relationship: Will you please stop playing mind games with the women you are dating? If you aren’t ready to become involved or committed to a serious relationship then please don’t become involved with anyone. Yes, I know that life is very lonely without the love of your life by your side but if you’re not ready to commit to a relationship then DON’T START ONE. Those you date already feel that they’re competing with a ghost. So it you’re really serious about another woman then please take down photos of your previous wife. Quit telling these women how your first wife did things. REMEMBER: THESE WOMEN ARE NOT YOUR FIRST WIFE. Would you like it if they kept photos of former husbands/boyfriends up and reminded you of how they did things? Would you make love to her if she had a picture of her former husband/boyfriend next to her bed? Also, these women are not to be used as grief councilors. Yes, you need to tell them how you feel but dates shouldn’t be used as therapy sessions. They want to know that you love them and are willing to give the same love and respect you gave your first wife. Please give it to them. If you need professional help, please consult the yellow pages. Finally, please stand up to your former in-laws, friends, and family members when they make snide and condescending comments about your new love. Let them know how good life is when you have someone to share it with and any negative comments about her won’t be tolerated. In short: Be a man. Thanks, Widower *** Dear women who are involved in a serious relationship with a widower: Please don’t expect the widower to stop loving his first wife. It’s not going to happen and it’s unreasonable to ask him to do so. He can love you just as much as his first wife and you shouldn’t demand anything less. If you can’t live with the fact that he will always have a place in his heart for his first wife then you should end the relationship sooner rather than later. This will save both of you a lot of heartache. Please keep in mind that there’s probably a lot of different emotions running through him as he becomes involved with another woman and there may be a few bumps along the way. Please be patient with him and lovingly let him know how you feel when he messes up. Odds are he didn’t mean to hurt you. Sometimes even those who have moved on still have a day once in a blue moon when long forgotten feelings and emotions bubble to the surface. His friends and family and his first wife’s friends and family may be upset when they discover that he’s dating again. Don’t take their comments personally. Part of the reason they may lash out at you is because they think you’re out to replace their daughter/sister/friend. In time they will see that you have made their son/brother/friend very happy and will come to love you just as much as they loved her. Finally, if the widower you’re dating isn’t willing to stand up to these people and defend your relationship, then end it. If he’s not willing to be a man and defend you now, what makes you think he’s going to do it later? Thanks, Widower You Can Now Purchase Room for Two - 2007-08-31 |
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